空白 Emptiness

この頃はずっと友達と一緒に出かけたけど、やっばだめだ。私の空白を埋めることなどできない。ずっと、何とかなるさっと思うけど、やっば無理だ。今の私、外見は平気けど、中身はボロボロだ。夢、欲など持っていない、むしろ欲しくはない。今は複雑な気持ちだ。孤独か？そうではない。寂しい？そうでもない。それは何だろう？分からん。たが、いつでも感じるわ、その空白。一人じゃない時でも、一人の時でも、あれはいつも私のそばにいる。笑い顔の裏では冷たさが感じる。疲れたかもしれない、けど、感じは違う。私を支えるものは一体どこにいるのか？

このことに答えを探していた。多分、見つかった。いくら自分のことを感じられなくても、今の貴方は、ここにいる。そう、例えどんなに存在感がなくても、今の私がここに立っていることは変わらない。今ちょっと見えないだけかも、いつか...私は見えるわ。

Though recently I had been going out with friends, still, it is useless. It still cannot filled my emptiness. I always thinking that it will be okey while time goes on but it still can't. The outside of myself is impassible but the inside , it is scatter. I do not have any of dreams, desire and iIrather do not want to have them. Now my feeling is mix. Solitude? It is not. Loneliness? It is not too. What is it? I do not know. But the emptiness I can always feel it. When I am not alone, even I am alone, it will be at beside me. The back of smile face feels a cold inside it. Maybe I am tired, but , it is different. Where is the thing supports me?

I had been searching for the answer. Maybe I had found it. No matter how you can't feel yourself, the "you" now, are here. Ya, no matter I can't feel my existence, but, now, the fact that I am here will not change. Maybe it is just that I can't quite see it right now, but some day, I will be able to see it.